I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
whose parrot is this?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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