i was born a porn star she said
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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