please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
