After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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