And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
