you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
