I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
We need to rekindle our bromance
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
