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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
