You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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