gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
