the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
