Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
