Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
