I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Well I just put wine in my tea
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
