apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
