She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
