Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
