all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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