This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
