my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
