so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
