those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
