can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
