wake up i wanna do it froggy style
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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