Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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