I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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