I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
