just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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