i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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