'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
