not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
please don't ironically join a cult
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