You're my little dorito
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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