went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
