I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
