i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
