Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
