We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
