Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
