the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
