You can't special order awesome
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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