I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
