Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
