Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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