I just cut my nipple shaving
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
