My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
