I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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