Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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