the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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