Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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