After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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