This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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