Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
